I'm so sorry

Sunday, November 15, 2009

After rereading my last post I'm so sorry that I wrote those things. Although my feelings were entirely genuine (although probably accentuated by the fact I had been unwell most of the week), I really shouldn't have burdened anyone but God with them. I've considered removing it many times, but chose not to as I do want my children to know that life isn't always easy, but there is one whom you can rely on no matter what you are going through or how you are feeling. During times of trial (of just plain weariness) one of my favourite passages is:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature & complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 (NIV)

Please know that I think this is a beautiful piece of the world & feel privileged to live here - even during the hottest summer days (thankfully we have air conditioning!). Ever since I was a girl I remember dreaming about living in the country & the fact that God fulfilled this dream is still amazing to me - so I get so disappointed with myself when I give into times of depression - especially about such a blessing.

Let me encourage you today - I have no idea what you are going through & it may be something tiny like being a wee bit homesick or it may be a major trial - that God is there waiting to share the load with you.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" James 1:12 (NIV)

As Grannysaurus pointed out (thank you so much for your wise words)- trials on earth help us to look towards heaven - the ultimate home where we will truly belong!


Christy said...

Hi Renata....
Don't feel sorry - sometimes it's good to share your struggles with honesty so that we can help and encourage each other...
Praying for you and your family....

Our grass is beginning to dry off too....it feels sad after the spring growth. Love and hugs, Christy xo

Mum-me said...

It never hurts to verbalise how you are feeling, or put it down on (virtual) paper. As you said, your feelings were genuine and it's always nice for me to see that other Christian mums go through times of feeling 'down' too.

BoufMom9 said...

I just went back and read your prior post...
Renata, don't ever feel guilty for sharing. Often times, hearing another person's trials makes us appreciate our own lives a little bit more. It's not just God's job to see you through. We are all His children and would we not be doing one another injustice if we didn't try to give one another comfort in our times of need.
Never be ashamed for opening up. You needed to do it. We all do sometimes.
And honestly, what makes it even better is that you worked your way through your hurt and shared that as well, therefore taking us along on the same journey.

Blessings to you, now and always.

Ann at eightacresofeden said...

Hi Renata,
I don't think you need to say sorry! I have just read your previous post and I can empathize and understand what you express - having made several moves between different countries and experienced the joys and challenges of different climates and environments. People often ask why we left NZ - we were blessed to live in both islands - in the Waikato which has the greenest grass, at Nelson which has glorious beaches and further south where snow capped mountains in the distance were the backdrop to the farm we lived on but there were drawbacks. In the Waikato it rained constantly for months on end. Nelson like many beach places was becoming over crowded and over developed and further south it was so bitterly cold in winter and we hardly ever went to the beach which was stony not sandy. We were also affected by drought on the farm there and one season had to buy in our grain from Australia - seems ironic! The following year we were rescuing calving cows out of flood waters. All these adverse weather events of course had financial implications which added to the stress.
Now we are blessed to live in a beautiful green part of Australia. We have a beautiful property but there are days when I all I see is not the trees but the undergrowth - the lantana and choking vines which grow back so readily thanks to all the rain we receive - so much hard work and I think why on earth did we buy a property that needs constant maintenance. And then there are the snakes - brown snakes and I worry when my children play outside, I have to so vigilant - my son brought me a fresh skin the other day - from a brown, a huge brown that has been in our roof - these are the things that provoke anxiety in a mother and I am reminded that my lovely forest home is also the territory of one of the world's deadliest snakes. I did not have to worry about snakes in NZ or England but then I do remember as a child in the UK being chased by a vicious dog that had been set upon me by an older boy - a terrifying experience. There are many hazards in the city too!
All we know is that God brought us here after I had prayed for somewhere to call home and raise my family, where we would be settled and not thinking about the next move. Feeling unsettled is something I think we all go through - I always felt it when living in a rented house but even though we own our house now I still experience the days when I ask myself - is this where God wants us to be and all I can do is hand it all over and be assured that I can trust Him to provide for us (we are officially on a low income!) to protect us( from the natural hazards)and guide us - I know sometimes He asks us to move on from places we never thought we would leave or go to places we said we would never go to - and that for me was Australia but here I am!

Grandma said...

Hi Narn - you don't have to be sorry for expressing your feelings - we all get a bit of PLOMs from time to time (I'm in no way trying to trivialize your feelings!!!) Being unwell or tired is one of the easiest ways to bring it on.
Unfortunately for most of us, it's during those tough times that we grow in both character and nearness to our God....one of our former Prime Minister once said "Life is not meant to be easy". As a very young mum then, I thought he had it all wrong big time - but as I've matured, I think he was right.
As parents I think we do our children a very serious injustice (and I'm thinking my generation was the worst at this - me included!!!) at trying to shield our children from pain and painful situations. (No, I do not think we should deliberately expose them to danger etc...I'm just talking about the everyday disappointments etc). All people whether young or older need good coping schools, and even more a growing awareness of our dependence on the Lord.
James was very wise in his attitude to trials - he did not say 'IF you face trials' he said 'Whenever'....they are going to come, and I hate to disappoint you my dear - they will keep coming until that glorious day when we shall see Him!!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah!!!!! In the meantime, cling to Him - He is faithful and will not send you more than you can cope with....
Will call you this arvo
Lots of love - we all miss you, but are thankful for modern technology that allows us to keep in touch so easily (imagine how the early pioneers got on....)
Love to all the darlings as well
Love Mum xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

simone17 said...

I couldn't agree more with what's been said! Don't feel sorry for any of your feelings. It is normal to feel homesick sometimes. And it doesn't mean you don't appreciate where you live. And yes, your children will benefit from seeing you struggle sometimes.

Leanne said...

Don't apologize!

A blog is a place in which you can express all of your feelings, good and bad.

Your blog friends are here to help you over the bumps and pray you through the tough times.

It's okay to feel discouraged at times!

Sandra said...

Ditto what everyone else has said! I'm glad you shared your feelings. I think the saying goes a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved but a joy shared is doubled. Or something like that.
Hope you are feeling better.

aunty sel said...

Hey Narn,
We love you wherever you are and whatever your doing.

Elysia said...

Don't worry Narn - you're human!!! It's nice to know you (my big sister who is one of the strongest people I know) has ups and downs too!!!
Love you heaps
EJ xoxox

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