Easter is a time I find leaves me in quiet contemplation & reflection. Maybe it's because the autumn days are getting cooler & the longing to stay cuddled under the covers seems stronger that I spend more time in my morning devotions (I do it first thing sitting up in bed each morning still covered with our quilt). Maybe it is because the first term of the school year always seems the most difficult - getting into routine, seeing how the work has changed & knowing that to get through the rest of the year I'm going to need the strength that only the Lord can provide me to get through the sheer quantity of work ahead of us. But truthfully I think it's because Easter is the real essence of our faith - it is the reason we are Christians. Let's face it if He hadn't died & then risen we would have no reason to worship Him - He would have been no different to a troublemaker ( that He was accused of being by the religious leaders of that time). But He did indeed rise again & I am so thankful for that - He conquered death so that we who are sinners can have eternal life.
This Easter I've been thinking about Jesus' time in the garden of Gethsemane just before He was arrested - when He was praying - the wrestle between His Humanness and His Godliness. Although my struggle is nothing in comparison, it seems I've been wrestling with God a whole lot lately. I'm sad to admit that my sinfulness has raised it's ugly head once again (sigh) & I've been trying to tell Him how I want my life to run - what I want to happen, the timing that I want. I am mature enough in my faith to know that's not the way it should be - I have to let Him be God & I have to submit my will to Him. I have to give up my dreams to Him & instead ask Him to allow His will to occur. This is hard....very, very hard for me. It's something that I've struggled with for the last couple of months & it's almost a daily struggle for me to give up this selfishness & instead trust Him - even if His will is different from my dreams. It's not that my dreams are wrong or even sinful - it's not that what I want is against God's word, but it's more of a trust issue. Trusting that even though there's nothing wrong with what I want that God wants the absolute best for me & that He will guide me in that way - if I let Him. Sure I know that it may be what I've dreamed of, His will may be what my heart desires are, but it's more about trusting Him rather than what the dreams are - more about submitting to His will than planning ahead as if my will will happen (does that make sense - I may someday share what I'm struggling with, but not now - I'm not ready - I'm still struggling too much).
I even know from past experience that trusting Him is the best way & has the best outcomes. When we moved down here I really did not want to move so far from our old life. Although I was looking forward to farm life that was all that appealed to me down here - I hated leaving friends, family, our pretty cottage, my abundant gardens, our support, but we did. Although moving was one of the most difficult things I've ever done it's only now as I look back that I am so thankful that God guided us down here. You see one of the joys of my life is home schooling my children -in fact I love it & wouldn't consider anything else now, but had we stayed up there I would never have considered it. The children would have attended the lovely Christian school that I attended (& there's nothing wrong with that either - it's just that for us home schooling fits so well). Had we not moved we wouldn't have found the most wonderful church family in the world who have challenged us & helped us to grow in so many ways. Dave may not have a group of strong Christian men who study God's word with each other, challenging each other & praying together. So I know that we can trust in the Lord to guide us in the best. But that's just it - I know that, yet I struggle- then I get frustrated that I'm struggling with this - it seems to be a circle at times.
So this Easter as I think about Jesus' sacrifice I am more glad then ever - my sinfulness atoned for - my selfishness forgiven. I am so glad that Jesus didn't give into his humanness & instead chose the difficult way, but the only way to give us -those who believe on His name- the way to be called children of God - full forgiveness & the door to eternal life.
What lessons are the Lord teaching you this Easter?
Have a blessed Easter remembering Jesus' sacrifice & then His amazing resurrection all for you....