Mr. Nine

Can it really have been 9 years ago since I began this sweet journey of motherhood?

Such a blessing our big boy has always been.

I remember finding out I was pregnant with him - we were both so excited.  Little more than kids ourselves, yet we felt so blessed to have the privilege of this precious little one.  Tentatively we told a few our good news ~ not really knowing what to expect on our new path.  Sure I'd held enough babies, I'd even helped care for babies - I had sisters much younger than me.  Maybe I was better experienced than other expectant mothers, but there was still so very much I didn't know.  I remember my Mum's friends telling me all about their birthing experiences  ~ strangers would stop you in the street & tell you their stories - both good & otherwise and I would smile & try & glean a little wisdom from what they said & forget the rest.

I remember fainting in the middle of a restaurant at a work dinner ~ all my work colleagues there & I very inelegantly lost all consciousness & fell head long to the floor crashing down chairs in my wake (no romantic fainting backwards, I go stiff as a board & plummet forwards into whomever or whatever gets in my way).  I remember waking up & wondering why the restaurant was on an angle & then the embarrassment of realizing what had happened & maybe it was the first time that I realized my life would never be the same with this little person I cradled within!  I remember the ambulance ride to the hospital & leaving my chicken enchilada dinner all over the ambulance officer on the way ~ who himself had eaten enchiladas that night ~ he mentioning that he wondered if he would join me in loosing his dinner!  And in the almost 10 years since I've never been able to really enjoy chicken enchiladas!!

Shearing ~ just yesterday


I remember that evening at 18 weeks when I first felt the butterfly flutters within & the wonder of it all ~  that I was being used as a vessel of HIS creation left me in such awe as I cradled my thickening waist & tried to make him dance some more.

 I remember being so bull-headed I wouldn't even read the cesarean section of the maternity books ~ there was no way I was going to have one, so why read about it!  I was going to have a natural, natural, natural birth ~ no drugs, no stitches - just like my Mum did 5 times over!

I remember just under 3 weeks before my due date deciding we HAD to go to the other side of the city to buy a certain book - & while on the journey we HAD to buy a first aid kit - and when we got home with the book & a CD of lullaby's I couldn't even stop to read, but instead cleaned the house from top to bottom while listening to the CD that lulled Dave into an afternoon rest.  Later I remember laying restlessly in bed - my brain going a million miles a minute & me not knowing if I should get up & keep on cleaning the already spotless house & then after I finally fell asleep being woken with a rush of waters ~ no memories of getting out of bed, but rather finding  myself running that well worn path to the bathroom!

I remember the excitement of that young woman ~ all of 22 ~ knowing that soon I would be  holding our precious little son in our arms, yet knowing that between then & now lay a difficult path ahead.  I remember being restless the 3 hours they told me to wait before coming to the hospital ( oh how I would do it so differently now) and then the long hours of nothing happening until finally in the wee hours of the morning the doctor put the needle in my arm & ordered the chemical mix that would make me curl up in pain & confusion because this is not how I planned it to be at all & finally after turning the drip up & up & up & very little happening to my body  ~ 17 hours after the rush of waters ~ delivering a son through an emergency slash in the abdomen ~ butchering a doctor friend always called it~.  By that time forgetting why I was there, having ridden the pain for so many hours & then the shock of having to change my plans completely.  I remember asking "why is a baby crying?" in this operating theatre that I had worked in just 3 weeks earlier, and then realising that that wasn't just any baby, but it was our baby & he was born & he was perfect & he was such a gift.  And the pride in his Daddy's eyes as he held him close & whispered to him what a blessing he is!

And that first year of just the three of us - me playing Mummy with my own real live doll - taking a roll of film a week in memories!

And now 9 years later it's hard to believe how quickly the time has passed, yet I look into the eyes of this young man ~ eyes I first looked into that precious day in 2002 ~ and I still see them searching & seeking me & I still feel the burden of responsibility, yet the overwhelming love for this precious one (who is not so little anymore, but is counting down the few centimetres he has left to go til he overtakes me in height).  I  still feel the unspoken knowledge that here is my mission field - that the most important thing I can do as a parent is direct him to God - and I still strive to do it each day, peppered with lots of prayers for this precious boy!

Happy Birthday my precious Zai

My big boy, my responsible leader, my reliable one, my firstborn

~ the first one who will forever be a part of me & hold a part of my heart~

~I love you~

~Thank you God for this wonderful blessing~

Thanks for allowing me the chance to remember again!

Have a lovely weekend dear friends,