Thinking aloud..

As I sit here & reflect, there are so many things that pour to mind, a blog post cannot even hold a tenth of what I want to write.... I'll fish through the myriad of thoughts & try & put into some resemblance of order what I'm thinking, what I'm trying to communicate through this wonderful medium of words, for words are such a gift from the Lord - the composition of words into sentences, into paragraphs, into stories - they make you laugh, they make you cry, they draw you closer & they hold a key in relationships, in friendships, in love, in families, in our most important love - that of the Lord.  

Then he comes & sits by me - a little boy not quite 5 in the worlds eyes - of little worth to most, yet to my life he holds such a wealth of meaning - he holds the keys to part of my heart & I know the blessing that he is. I remember 5 years ago, how I  held him within me - he almost went home to the Lord &  I struggled & finally surrendered him with the knowledge that he was a gift, that he may be here for only a short time, that I may never hold him. Forever grateful to the Lord,  he was  healed & I feel so blessed that for the last 5 years I have been able to love upon him, to hold him, to kiss him - even when he doesn't want them, to cuddle him - as he squirms to get down, to teach him & discipline him & be his Mummy.  

But it all could have been so different "Medical abortion" it would have been termed.  Killed to save his brothers life.  Cord tied to that another might live...

But I knew - had known even as a child how wrong abortion is.  How the killing of these innocent babies doesn't  help anyone.  It just brings torment into lives that are already suffering.  As the doctors described the options, I knew that wasn't an option - you see I had been taught as a young child about the sanctity of life, as a teenager I spoke loudly & strongly about this very topic - never expecting to face it as an adult - never expecting it to be spread out as an option - take one child's life to save another, kill my own child, lose a child to gain his brother...

As I sit here, he comes & I hear his strong voice calling "Mum" I look into those hazel brown eyes  -twinkling eyes I know so well  - eyes I look upon often -"Mum, can I please have a colouring picture?" & I put my life on hold to get it for him - knowing that these days of youth are fleeting, but trying to hang onto every minute, every second.  Knowing that each breath is a gift from the Lord.  "A kiss", I ransom it - because a Mummy must get a kiss any way she knows.  He puckers those little pink lips & obliges me my request, then off he skips happily ready to sit with siblings & cousin & colour - just one of the kids, just one of the family.....

... Yet I remember, & ponder it in my heart.

...What if we had chosen.... what would life have been like....what scares my heart would hold...

....so much we would have missed...

Thank you God for healing, thank you for this precious life....

...My beautiful child, my wonderful son...

...My Eli...

Just pondering today,